It's official. Santa Claus (1959) is the absolute most fucked up Christmas movie of all time. Yes, I said it. In the realm of such films as Black Christmas (1974), Gremlins (1984), and Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984), the small Mexican film from director Rene Cardona takes the cake. You might ask yourself, HOW could a movie that was made as a family film, and played in schools across Mexico for years following it's release, deemed so wrong by the maniacal minds here at Horror Central? Let's begin this glimpse into the most ridiculously horrible Christmas film by taking a quick look at the synopsis as it appears on imdb.com. |
Santa Claus, high above the North Pole in his cloud-borne castle equipped with more surveillance devices than the Impossible Mission Force, prepares to deliver presents on Christmas night. Santa is especially interested in helping Lupita, the daughter of a poor family who wants nothing more than a doll; and a young boy whose parents are so wealthy they never spend any time with him (Santa fixes this by feeding them Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters). However, the Devil will have none of this and sends his minion, Pitch, to foil Santa's plans. Pitch in turn recruits three Naughty Boys to help him set traps for Santa.
Indeed Santa battles the forces of Satan from his fortress in space. A premise that almost seems reminiscent of a Grindhouse film, yet sadly it is not. I can't even begin to tell you the creepy scenes that unravel in this obscure resident of cinematography hell, but a few screen shots from the motion picture will sell my assertion.
Indeed Santa battles the forces of Satan from his fortress in space. A premise that almost seems reminiscent of a Grindhouse film, yet sadly it is not. I can't even begin to tell you the creepy scenes that unravel in this obscure resident of cinematography hell, but a few screen shots from the motion picture will sell my assertion.
This animated blinking eye thing is how Santa stalks the children on earth from his space ship. I couldn't make this shit up.
This demon sent by Lucifer to tempt the children and prevent Santa from delivering the toys.
This possessed doll tries to convince a young girl to shoplift it...
Evil Doll: Why don't you steal us. We can all be yours!
Lupita: No, you know that stealing is bad, and I want to be good.
Evil Doll: But you must learn to steal!
Lupita: No. You know stealing is bad, and I want to be good.
Evil Doll: We dolls don't like good little girls!
Lupita: No. To steal is evil, and I don't want to be evil.
Evil Doll: You must be evil if you want a doll!
Lupita: No, you know stealing is evil, and I don't want to be evil.
Evil Doll: Steal, fight, and we will all be yours!
Lupita: No. I don't want to be evil, and stealing is evil.
Evil Doll: You want to good, eh, you don't want to be bad?
Lupita: No, you know stealing is bad, and I want to be good.
Evil Doll: Well then, you'll never have a doll! HAHAHAHAH!
Evil Doll: Why don't you steal us. We can all be yours!
Lupita: No, you know that stealing is bad, and I want to be good.
Evil Doll: But you must learn to steal!
Lupita: No. You know stealing is bad, and I want to be good.
Evil Doll: We dolls don't like good little girls!
Lupita: No. To steal is evil, and I don't want to be evil.
Evil Doll: You must be evil if you want a doll!
Lupita: No, you know stealing is evil, and I don't want to be evil.
Evil Doll: Steal, fight, and we will all be yours!
Lupita: No. I don't want to be evil, and stealing is evil.
Evil Doll: You want to good, eh, you don't want to be bad?
Lupita: No, you know stealing is bad, and I want to be good.
Evil Doll: Well then, you'll never have a doll! HAHAHAHAH!
And last but definitely not least... These god damn animatronic rain deer. Santa doesn't use real reindeer, his sleigh is operated by wind up automatons that will truly haunt me in my sleep. Don't believe me? Jump to 49:05 in the video below and bask in the unadulterated fucking terror that is these things laughter.
If that isn't enough to prove why this is undoubtedly the worst Christmas movie of all time, I challenge you to watch it for yourself. The minds here at Horror Central have been so kind as to dig this piece of shit from the bowels of the internet and present to you now...
Without further ado... THE MOST FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS MOVIE OF ALL TIME, Santa Claus (1959)
Without further ado... THE MOST FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS MOVIE OF ALL TIME, Santa Claus (1959)